Today I dedicate my time and my blog to my dad, Keith Edward Cole. I only got to spend 24 years with him on this Earth. Seems like a lot of time but, in reality I've known many people who might read this blog longer than 24 years, and yet it seems like it was only yesterday we met. I have already spent 21 years with my son and 17, almost 18 with my daughter. It's unimaginable that I'd only have two or three years left with them but, that's all I got with my dad.

I went to my dad's grave yesterday with my children. There we kneeled down on his and my stepmom's tombstones, knowing they were really not there but, feeling closer to them nonetheless. They say time heals all wounds and that there is a certain mourning period and then you'll get over it. I disagree. When I reached down to touch my dad's tombstone, with my children at my sides, it was as if I were kneeling there for the first time, feeling the pain of the loss I felt over 20 years ago, as if he just died yesterday. Hoping he realized in life how much I loved him and in death how much I miss him. At a time in my life when I find it hard to believe in true love, I kneeled knowing my dad loved me unconditionally everyday of his life and nothing else or anyone else mattered at that moment.

I know I am not the only person who has lost a parent or a loved one. I have a dear friend experiencing this Father's Day as her first without her dad, having only lost him days ago. Tears fill my eyes because I know the pain she is feeling and will feel for the rest of her life. But this is my blog and this is about hoping what I express here can be related to by all those who have and are in the same shoes I am, including her. I have no regrets about my dad; no long, sad stories about what I wish I'd done and said. He coached my ball teams, attended school functions, went to Principal's office when I was in trouble; we worked together, played together, argued and disagreed together; all the things fathers and sons do. We fished together, camped together, drank together, traveled together. He was the person who was there when my mother left us; the person who was there when my grandmother died and I felt true loss for the first time in my life; the person who was there when I finished playing a ball game and, win or lose, gave me a dad hug and said, "I'm proud of you son".

 

Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago if I had one day to do whatever I wanted to do, how would I spend that day? That was an easy one, I'd spend just one more day with my dad. It brought to mind that song, "one more day, one more time, one more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do, leave me wishing still for one more day with you". I have spent the last 20 plus years wishing for just one more day, one more hour, even one more minute with my dad. Heck, I'd give anything for just one more of those dad hugs and another, "I'm proud of you son" moment.

So on this day, Father's Day 2009, please wish your dad Happy Father's Day.  Don't worry what he isn't or what he didn't do. Don't care about yesterday and childhood memories that were never made. Forget the hurts and the pain, the bumps and the bruises. Remember, he is your dad, your only dad. And one day you too will wish for one more day. Make today that day!!

I love you dad today and everyday. You are missed; can't wait to see you again one day in Heaven. Happy Father's Day!!!